


I wish I could be in his skin

by Valhalla_Dragon



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: (Where I live 18 is the legal age to do everything), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depression, Eating Disorders, F/M, Gangs, Internet idol, Loneliness, M/M, Music, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parental Abuse, Reference to another fandoms, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, confused feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-13 11:06:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4519551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valhalla_Dragon/pseuds/Valhalla_Dragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roxas life is falling apart by moments. Suddenly he is absolutely alone against a lot of pain and abuse and he only have his brother support, which made him promise he will go on despite his suicidal feelings. </p><p>But fate has always something waiting for us, when we think there is nothing left. Is curious how life works, is curious how can someone appear in your life exactly when you need it. Is curious how things get harder,even impossible to deal with...only when we are prepared to fight them. Because we are not made to fall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Surreal

**Author's Note:**

> Well,in the first place I would like to thank you for reading this. This the first fanfic I post, so is really important for me. This fanfic is also the first one I post in english.  
> English is not my first language, so I know this is probably full of grammatical mistakes and this is not as expressive as it could be if I had written it in my language. I'm sorry for that, I did my best. And finally, I have to say that the things that happen in this fic, and also the problems that main characters have are inspired in my own life, so please, try to be respectful. Enjoy the reading!

He ran a finger for the screen of his mobile phone, checking if maybe someone could have texted him. No new messages. What a surprise. Roxas leant back in the chair of his desk, homework not finished and not going to be finished at all.  
It’s hard to concentrate in school stuff with all these thoughts harassing his head, there’s a common problem in teenagers, that’s what the adults say. But do they do anything for understand that? Teachers seem to forget that students have a life beyond the high school entrance, and they just want marks and results. They just want machines without emotions, because they don’t give them a second chance. So you can’t let your feelings affect you.  
What about family? Roxas family was exactly like his teachers, just wanting him to take the best marks for finish his studies and find a job, earn money and go living on his own, because ‘’that is what an adult must do’’. Yes, his 18 birthday was two months ago and his mother took the cake away from him before he could make a wish, saying some shit about he had to go soon and they were not forced to maintain him anymore. Holly fuck, mom, I love you too. That day his twin sibling Sora was staring at him with worry, in the other side of the table.  
‘’Don’t listen to them, Roxas, you know they love you…I mean, I’m sure they just want the best for you’’ Roxas sighed, a mix of anger and sadness.  
‘’It’s also your birthday. Have you seen them trying to throw you out?’’ He didn’t wait for him to make a response. ‘’Exactly. They want me out, they don’t want the best for me’’  
Sora lowered his head, nodding, and they didn’t talk to each other the rest of the day.

Roxas sighed with frustration, checking his phone again. He checked the last conversation he had, eight hours ago with his best friend Hayner. He send him a long text in which he was confessing his feelings and asking him for help, hopeful to find a backing in his friend. Wanting to find an answer everytime he checked their conversation. He saw the two blue ticks appear below the text six hours ago. Roxas smiled ironically. ‘’Aaaaand…no one cares about me’’. That was definitive, his best friend was ignoring him. He knew Hayner, he knew he was the kind of guy who read messages and answer immediately. And he also knew his best friend wasn’t a busy guy. So that was new for him, and Roxas was pretty sure that Hayner had a problem with him. ‘’Perfect’’ he thought ‘’ I hadn’t enough problems by now. What the hell is wrong with him? What is supposed I did to him?’’ He took his hands to his head exasperated. Seriously? Problems with his best friend too? Anything else? He only needed to have problems with his pairing to be complete…if he had a pairing. ‘’Ew no, I don’t need more messes in my life, thank you’’ 

The blond got up and drove himself to the kitchen, looking for some fast food to take to his room for dinner. He ran into Sora’s face who apparently was listening slyly in the door of his room and they two jumped in surprise. Sora paled, being caught doing something he shouldn’t be doing. ‘’So…’’ started Roxas ‘’What are you doing, exactly?’’ Sora took a few seconds to react and answered back nervously ‘’Uh…Y-yeah!...I was…I was about to …dinner’s ready’’ He practically ran to escape from his brother. Roxas stayed in the same position for a minute, preparing himself for the psychological abuse he was going to suffer in the family intervention also called ‘’dinner’’ He really didn’t want to see his parents face. He wasn’t feeling like holding on another of their stupid talks of how a piece of shit he was and what a disgusting son he had always been. What did he do for this? Nothing at all, he didn’t deserve that and he couldn’t understand why his parents were so mad at him. Roxas had always made all they told him to do, he always wanted to please them, he studied hard in the beginning…but they never told him he was doing it ok. So Roxas stopped being a good boy so long ago. He started working for himself, pleasing himself.  
The boy went downstairs making his way to the kitchen, where the three members of his family were waiting for him, a fake smile painted in their faces. Roxas sat on the chair and started eating, head down, without say a word. He could feel them staring at him. The blond guy looked to his brother, who was looking at their parents, uncomfortable. ‘’Well…’’ he started, pretending the things weren’t falling apart by moments ‘’How was your day, mom?’’ She glared at him and the brunette got frozen. Sora lowered the head, breathing heavily because of the tension in the air. Meanwhile Roxas was eating avoiding the eye contact with her.  
‘’So, have you got a job now?’’ He stopped eating, he cleaned his lips softly with the napkin, taking his time to answer. He knew it was driving her crazy and he loved it.  
‘’You already know I work on Big Rico’s Pizza on weekends’’  
‘’This is not enough’’  
The blond looked at her with indifference.  
‘’This is all I can do, due to I’m studying in a high school the rest of the days’’  
She clenched her teeth, eyes full of red.  
‘’STOP JUSTIFYING YOURSELF, YOU PIECE OF SHIT, YOU SHOULD BE GONE NOW, BUT YOU ARE STILL HERE AND Y-‘’  
In that point of the conversation Roxas stopped listening. He woke up, put his plate and glass in the sink and left her mother yelling at him in his back.  
Once at his room, the blond lied down in his bed, hands in the back of his head, looking at the ceiling. Thinking about nothing. Someone knocked and Roxas rolled his eyes. Seriously? Did she follow him? He didn’t answer, waiting for the other person behind the door to leave. He listened the knocking again and then Sora came in, cautiously. Roxas looked at him and grinned ‘’Is she yelling yet?’’. Sora grinned him back ‘’Yes..she is criticizing you with dad. I think I’m gonna have stomachache all the night’’ He sighed disappointed. ‘’I really don’t know why is she being that cruel and unfair with you. She convinced dad that you are a kind of NEET…’’ Roxas raised an eyebrow. ‘’I mean..’’ continued the other ‘’They know you are studying in the same class as me, and they also know you have been working in Big Rico’s since last year, when we two were underage. So I don’t know why are they doing this, Roxas, I tried to talk with them about that but I always end feeling really bad because all the things they say about you…’’ There was a moment of silence between them, and then Roxas said ‘’Well, at least they aren’t messing with you’’ Sora gave him a sad gaze. ‘’This is true, and I hate it, because it only makes you feel discriminated…and underrated’’ He started sobbing and covered his face ashamed. Roxas woke up and took his body in his arms, hugging him hard. ‘’Don’t worry about me, Sora. I’ll be fine, you know I can bear this’’ he whispered in his brother’s ear. ‘’You know I can bear everything’’. Sora nodded between sobs and then he separated from Roxas and looked him in the eyes. ‘’But I’m scared… I’m scared you start doing it again…’’cried him, tears running in his face. Roxas kissed him forehead and caressed his cheek. ‘’I won’t do it again, Sora. Never. I promised it to you’’. They two were hugging each other for minutes, feeling comfort and security in the other body. Sora just needed to know that Roxas was still feeling strong. Roxas just needed to know that Sora was still next to him.


	2. Drowning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can say I finally started writing this fic \nwn/ the first chapter was like a prologue, a presentation of the story, to be precise. I hope you enjoy reading it and once again, sorry for the mistakes (if you notice a big mistake feel free to tell me in a comment and I will correct it)

It was 3:00 am and Roxas was still lying on his bed, looking at the ceiling with his mind lost. He was checking his phone all the time, wanting Hayner to write something. In vain.  
Why? Roxas started to wonder when he lost his connection with him. He was turning over his mind, incapable to stop thinking about it. He felt confused and disappointed. And so tired. But he knew he couldn’t sleep, not tonight. The blond sighed and woke up to turn on his computer. Maybe Netflix could help him to stop his spinning head. He checked his phone one last time while the pc was switching on. Pence sent a message.

3:21  
Pence: Roxy guess what. Destiny is now available in the game store of the mall!

What. Did he texted him for that? Seriously. What. He didn’t knew anything about Pence for two weeks and suddenly he texted him to say something about one of his stupid videogames?  
Well…Roxas didn’t want to think too much about it, he knew what a fan of this kind of things his friend was, he knew if Pence was out two weeks was probably because he was trying a new game or something…right? But Pence knew how bad things were going in Roxas home…and he didn’t text him. And now he didn’t ask him about it… ‘’No, ok, he is a bit absent-minded, that’s all’’ thought Roxas ‘’he cares about me, but he is just like this’’

3:25  
Roxas: Cool,are you going there on Friday?  
3:26  
Pence: Nop, think im going out with hayner and olette

They didn’t tell him anything about going out on Friday evening. And they knew he only works on Saturday and Sunday. Roxas looked at the screen a few minutes and then he answered. 

3:30  
Roxas: I see. I didn’t know.  
Roxas: Are you going to Big Rico’s on Saturday. I’ll be there all the day.

Pence was writing and Roxas hold the breath while he was tapping the floor with his foot. 

3:33  
Pence: well dude…I thought hayner told you  
Pence: we aren’t going there anymore cause this is so boring

 

Roxas locked the mobile phone and clicked the Google icon, but he laid the hands on the keyboard without write a thing. Looking to the screen.  
In the beginning his friends were to his job every weekend, all the day, to see him. They were consuming pizza and drinks to help him to earn money. His first day in the work, his friends were supporting him all the time. Then, they were going less and less time. The last time they came, the three together, was for twenty minutes. Just to order pizza. Then Hayner and Olette stopped going.  
Pence was three weekends more. A little while, but he was too distracted, playing with his PSP all the time. The next week Pence didn’t go, and Roxas didn’t know a thing about the three of them since today.

Roxas knew by Pence that they weren’t disappeared at all. But they were going out all this time, without him.  
He bit his lip, incapable to believe this. Why were they doing this to him? What did he do to deserve it? He started thinking again and he didn’t remember have done anything bad to them, so he couldn’t understand why were his friends avoiding him. He started texting Hayner but he immediately deleted the message. Roxas closed his eyes and breathed heavily, hands starting to tremble. He felt a deep sadness, like a stab in his heart. He felt the air getting solid and impossible to breath. But he didn’t do what he was thinking.  
He just went back to his keyboard and instinctively wrote ‘’How to deal with it’’ in the Google search. Without thinking, just leaving his body to express himself.  
The boy didn’t expect to find anything interesting with this title, just the usual, fragments of texts from forums, stupid questions in the Yahoo Answers…but it was meant to happen. The first web he found was about a local band who was advertising their first album, called ‘’How to deal with it’’. Roxas raised an eyebrow and clicked in the web link just for curiosity, without thinking it too much, like someone were moving his own body instead of himself.  
The web was kind of nice, well, it was starting, like the band. Maybe in time the web design will be better. They were called ‘’The Nobodies’’ and the logo was something like a weird knife with three spikes. There was a photo of the band members on the top of the web. They were, in general, so alternative and different from each other. In the middle of the photo was a really big guy, with black dreadlocks tied in a ponytail and a weird beard style. He seemed to be the singer. On the left side were two guys, one with a long blond hair and a cold gaze, which looked exactly like the perfect metalhead prototype. Roxas could imagine him headbanging all the time. The other guy was the opposite, he was beautiful and delicate, with his hair dyed in a bubblegum pink color. He didn’t fit with the other members of the band, in Roxas opinion.  
In the right side were another two guys, the closest to the singer was a cool boy with brown punky hair, shaved on both sides. He had a beautiful smile and he looked less aggressive than the other members. And for last, there was a very handsome boy with a red spiky hair and glam makeup. He had an amazing emerald eyes, full of fire. He was skinny but he looked manly at the same time.  
Roxas looked at them all, considering they all were pretty cool. He found himself looking at the red haired guy. There was something in him, like a fury, an animal wildness in his gaze. Those eyes were too bright and too green to be his true eyes. Maybe he were wearing lenses or maybe the photo was edited or something. Who knows? But he had Roxas fascinated.  
Just because of that, the blond read the description and clicked in the album’s link. Before the music started he could imagine what kind of music it was, but he was wrong. It was death metal. Roxas grinned, he never looked like a fan of metal music, but he was. Everybody had told him that he was the kind of boy who seemed to listen rap, and actually, he listened rap sometimes. But he also loved metal.  
Roxas leant back in the chair, eyes closed, enjoying the music. God, they were really good. He was right, the big guy was the singer and he had a powerful growls, which made him shiver. There wasn’t promotional videos, so he couldn't know which instruments the others played. But he was pretty sure that the metalhead guy was a guitarist. The blond read the sing list and the description of them below. All of them were a bit depressive, but aggressive at the same time. The singer was sending a sad message but actually he was full of hate. Just like Roxas. He felt identified.  
For a while, the boy could forget his problems and feel good, but as usual, when you start to feel better there’s something waiting to remember you that everything is a shit. In this case, the buzz of his mobile phone took Roxas back to reality. He clicked his tongue and checked his phone.

4:04  
Olette: Hello Roxas. I wanted to talk to you before, but Hayner didn’t let me. I just wanted to warn you, we two are dating now and he is mad at you because something that I can’t understand. 

Roxas opened his mouth in surprise. He took a few seconds to answer.

4:05  
Roxas: What the hell?? I didn’t do anything bad to him. Why is he mad at me?

4:05  
Olette: The fact is he hasn’t told me.  
4:06  
Roxas:…Ok…there should be something we can do, I don’t want it. I want an explanation Olette. I’ve been ignored for one month. You three were avoiding me like I never existed.

She started writing an answer but she suddenly stopped. Roxas was waiting her to make a response when he received a new message. From Hayner.

4:06  
Hayner: YOU ASSHOLE AREN’T GONNA TALK TO MY GIRLFRIEND ANYMORE GOT IT?

Roxas froze, he was caught by surprise. He never could expect this from Hayner. The blond took a deep breath and started typing. 

4:08  
Roxas: Excuse me?? Hayner what the fuck is wrong with you?

4:09  
Hayner: NO, SHUT THE FUCK UP. SHE’S MINE, DON’T TRY TO TALK TO HER ANYMORE BASTARD OR I SWEAR I’LL KILL YOU.

4:09  
Roxas: HAYNER WTF SHE IS MY FRIEND AND YOU SHOULDN’T TREAT HER LIKE THIS, JUST BECAUSE SHE IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND. BUT ANYWAY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHY ARE YOU BEING A JERK WITH ME?

Roxas was trembling, this was too much for him. The boy couldn’t handle it for too long, he was about to explode in a nervous breakdown. It passed what it seemed to be an eternity since finally Hayner answered.

 

4:12  
Hayner: Ok Roxas im gonna be honest with you. I dont feel comfortable when im next to you ok? It has happened something between us, I have meet new people and stuff and I dont want to go out with you because… you know, you are too much depressive with all your problems and shit and this is not good for me you know? I just want to have fun and stuff. So thats all dude, im with olette now and I know you two have always had something special, so I dont want you to steal my girlfriend. I was talking now with her and we two think that this is the best for us, we don’t wanna know anything about you anymore. Im sorry dude, we were great friends, we really had fun but people change, you know. Next year pence is going to university and we’ll lose contact with him forever, so I think this is a good moment to change our lives

A tear started running in Roxas face. He couldn’t believe it. He felt an incredible pain and started crying silently, breathless, with all his body trembling.

4:15  
Roxas: You can’t do this to me. I thought we were friends, more than simply friends Hayner, I considered you my brother

4:15  
Hayner: God roxas dont be annoying pls just deal with it, will you? were done 

4:15  
Roxas: But Hayner why are you doing this, I thought I was important for you!

4:15  
Hayner: ROXAS STOP, I TOLD YOU WERE DONE. DONT WRITE BACK.

After that, Roxas exploded. He cried and shouted in rage, with all this pain eating his heart. And for the first time in a long time, he forgot the promise he made to his brother and cut himself in the legs. Where no one could see it. Because it was what everybody wanted, right? To see him sunk in his shit, to hurt him to that point to make him do the worst he could do. He hid his shame beneath his pants, again, and cried for hours.


	3. Surviving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Third chapter \nwn/ I got a bit stuck here, because the usual, you have a lot of ideas but you don't know how to connect them. It also took me a lot of time to translate it because my mind works using a lot of typical expressions of my language, which can't be translated xp. And I also was really busy with my job and stuff, but well. Ok I hope you enjoy it <3

Roxas could see how the sky started to get clearer by the arrival of the dawning. His eyes were burning, too swollen to keep them open. His legs were burning too, the fabric of his pants was hurting him, careless. He was looking at some undetermined point in the floor. Just lost in himself. He knew it was time to get up and go to school, but he was really tired, not only because he was awake all the night. He was tired of everything. He was tired of doing the same every day, feeling the same pain every day.  
The boy stood up and looked out the window. He opened it and closed his eyes at the touch of the cold wind against his face. It smelled like rain. Roxas loved rain. It seemed like the sky was crying all the night too. He would have liked to enjoy it, to cry with another one. This would have made him feel less alone. Roxas went to the closet and chose a black t-shirt with the Heisenberg’s face printed in it and a grey jeans. Today there wasn’t the suitable day to wear one of his spectacular punky outfits. Today there was exactly the kind of day to wear the first thing you can find on your closet. Despite of all, Roxas took his waistband. It is important not to forget who we are. The blond put on his black converse and went downstairs. 

Roxas came into the kitchen and found Sora sitting in the table, stirring up his cereal with the spoon. The brunette looked at Roxas and then grinned. Suddenly Roxas realized he made too much noise last night with his breakdown. Did Sora hear him? It is impossible he couldn’t heard anything, his room was really near to Roxas one, oh God…He could have listened everything, so he…he maybe knew what had Roxas done.  
The blond paled, feeling his mouth getting dry. Sora was still looking at him, a tired smile drawn on his face. Roxas grinned back and said ‘’Good morning’’. The other looked back to his cereal, which was still moving in circles, with the same expression and said a softly ‘’Good morning’’ in response. The blond took a bowl from the kitchen cabinet and sat next to him. ’’How did you sleep?’’ said then while he was putting cereal in his bowl. Sora took a spoonful and waited to have his mouth empty to answer ‘’I took pills because I knew I couldn’t sleep, so I slept marvelously’’. Roxas laughed in relief and relaxed his shoulders. ‘’I’m glad for you, I think I should do the same sometimes. Could you pass me the milk?’’ Sora smiled and gave the milk to his brother. The blond started eating his breakfast and the other checked his mobile phone. Roxas could see his brother smiling. He stared at him discreetly while he was eating. It seemed like Sora was talking to someone important to him. Maybe Kairi? Well, they were childhood friends, so talking to each other shouldn’t be as exciting as it could be ten years ago. Who can be then?  
Sora stopped texting and looked back to Roxas, who spat his cereal because of the surprise. The brunette laughed at him and gave him a napkin from the other side of the table. ‘’Oh my God Roxas, can you even eat like a human being?’’ The blond cleaned himself ‘’So funny, but you scared me’’. Sora raised an eyebrow ‘’That’s because you were snooping into my phone’’. Roxas pulled a face and drove his hand to his hair. ‘’Okay you got me, sorry, I just had curiosity to know who were you talking to. You seemed so happy…’’ Sora blushed and looked down. He took a little pause before start ‘’A new friend…well, not exactly new, I mean, we’ve known each other for years. But we weren’t friends in the beginning. He is a friend of Kairi’’ He? Sora was that excited because of chatting with a guy? Well, he never told Roxas anything about being gay, but Roxas knew it. Roxas also knew that Kairi had a big crush with Sora, but she never had the courage to tell him how she felt and all was forgotten.  
‘’Oh’’ that was all Roxas could say. They two were quiet for a pair of minutes, looking into each cereal plate. Then Sora broke the silence. ‘’Hmm… What is your schedule on Saturday?’’ the blond was still looking down to his cereal bowl ‘’From 12.00 to 21.00’’ he said. Sora drove his index finger to his mouth, meditative. ‘’Well…We have met to lunch on Saturday… Do you think we could go to Rico’s? …So you could know him’’ Sora’s cheeks were a bit red and he was avoiding eye contact with his brother. So this was really important for him, he wanted his brother to know that boy. What did he want exactly? Roxas approval for their relationship? It seemed like they two were getting serious. Roxas didn’t like it. Roxas didn’t want a strange guy with his brother, so he accepted even if that was going to lead him a very uncomfortable situation. ‘’Oh, yeah sure’’ said the blond with a forced smile. On the contrary, Sora made a big and bright smile, full of happiness. ‘’Great! I’m gonna tell him!’’  
Roxas felt like the worst person in the world. He deceived his brother, making him think everything was ok while he broke his promise. He fell in his vicious, insane method of overcoming even if he had promise his brother he won’t do it again. He didn’t trust him to talk about his feelings and left the depression win again. He never gave his brother the support he needed to come out the closet. He just had to give him a little shove, to show him he was on his side, but he was always a bit distant. And he knew this always made Sora suffer. He knew it and he was still being distant because he just wanted to protect him. Roxas never wanted Sora to know about all the shit he had on his head. But now, Sora was trying to open his heart to him, Roxas knew what should he do. Roxas knew he should listen and support him because that was all his brother needed…but could he do it? He could be a bit selfish again and be an asshole with this other guy who was trying to take his brother into his bed.  
Wait. Was he thinking about doing this? He felt horrible, he was despicable. But he truly love Sora, he just wanted him to be happy and safe in a plastic bubble. Far away all the pain. Roxas was trying with all his forces to keep him away all the things he had felt. Because he knew Sora couldn’t hold it. He just wanted to keep him safe…but sometimes he mess up.  
The two boys cleaned their plates and took their bags, making their way to school.

 

As Roxas thought, it was an usual day in his usual life. He just sat in his table and looked out the window during the classes. He knew he should pay attention because the final exams will be the next week. But he wasn’t feeling like being a good student now. God, he was still deeply sad because of Hayner. And he could have suffer a lot more if he wasn’t that surprised. He couldn’t believe it yet. He gulped to undo the big knot he had inside his throat. The boy started to remember all the things Hayner told him. He could feel the anxiety growing in his chest and started breathing heavily. No please…not here. Roxas started getting nervous, he just needed to calm, he just knew a method… He looked for his brother in the class, who was sitting in the opposite side, paying all the attention he could. The blond took a breath and close his fists as he was trying to concentrate in something banal that could make him stop hurting himself. He started thinking about series, but he watched them all with Hayner…Hayner…why? How can you have done this? No! It wasn’t working, he had to think in music…music was his real drug. He needed music now. Suddenly he felt the incredible necessity to listen to music.  
Roxas asked for permission to go out of the class and went to the toilet. He sat on the WC and took his shoes off. The last time he was in this toilet he…well, he felt a little proud of not being doing the same as the last time. The blond smiled, he replaced his bad habit. Roxas took his earphones from his pocket and the mobile and just let the music flow through his veins.  
Yes, he had replaced his bad habit. During the following days he was always listening to ‘’The Nobodies’’ They made him feel stronger. The power of the singer’s voice, the amazing music…the guitarists were so fast, the bass was loud and energetic, the drums had and incredible strength. They were furious and powerful and that gave Roxas a lot of motivation. Sometimes he just laid on his bed and felt like he were floating on a cloud, in another dimension. Other times he felt like he were in Hell. Sitting in a throne made of bones and swords. Ruling the world.  
He started checking their website every day, looking for news and new music. He also started to want to know more about the band members. Roxas found their account in some social networks and started following them, but he started to want more, not only band publicity.  
That was a good method of distraction to him, being a fan. Roxas was checking the website for second time in the day when he suddenly found a discussion between two members whose facebooks were posted there. It seemed like one of them said that play bass has less merit than play guitar, so the other one, who was the bassist of the band, answered him really angry. Roxas clicked to open the conversation with a smile of satisfaction. There was the names of the two guys but even in this point Roxas didn’t know which role played each one in the band, except the singer (he supposed the singer was the big guy because he was in the middle of photo, like singers always do, but actually he didn’t know it exactly. He just supposed, the growls fitted with him, that was all) The blond read all the conversation and finally clicked into one of the two names, the most usual. The web redirected him to the bassist facebook, Axel Braden. Roxas had a good feeling, that name made him vibrate in some way. The web appeared in Roxas screen and he could see the profile pic, which was a selfie of the very, very handsome red haired guy. Roxas found himself admiring how attractive the guy was. Oh wait, had he painted his face with two tears dropping below his eyes? Roxas never noticed it in the official website photo. He started looking his photos. There was a lot of selfies in front of a mirror showing a variety of cool outfits, photos of his makeup, photos of famous musicians and finally, photos of his meetings with friends. Roxas opened a picture in which were Axel and the punky brunette guy playing guitar, sitting in a bed. The title of the picture was ‘’playing guitar with the bro’’ and there were tagged Axel and Demyx The Nobodies. The blond read the comments below, which were only another discussion between them. It seemed like they were best friends, because of the way of speaking each other they had. Roxas felt a twinge in his chest, but he shook his head to set aside the bad thoughts which were about to come.  
He continued looking the Axel photos, it seemed like he was very popular in the real life and he had a lot of followers, because he was always posting photos, so he could be really popular on the internet too. He had a photo of his naked torso because one follower asked him about his tattoos. Roxas could see how skinny he was. He had his two arms, his neck and part of his chest and back tattooed. Roxas admired the ink work, he loved tattoos and stuff an Axel ones were really amazing. Could his tears dropping in the face be a tattoo too? Maybe, this boy were really alternative. He got also a pair of piercings which made him even more attractive. Roxas was a pair of hours looking his photos and felt like a stalker, but he had never seen a boy as handsome as Axel and the blond started to feel a mix of attraction and envy at the same time. He never was an envious person, but God…if he could be as beautiful, as tall, as thin as him…that boy was perfect. He was funny and rascal, judging by the comments Roxas read, and so talented. Roxas saw a pair of bass covers he made, Axel was pretty good with bass.  
The blond stalked him for a while more before go to sleep and with all these pictures of Axel in his head he fell asleep and dreamed he could play like him.

 

Roxas woke up really earlier on Saturday, despite he had to go at 11:30. But he was a bit nervous about meeting the ‘’almost’’ boyfriend of Sora. The blond boy put on his clothes and went downstairs to take his breakfast. Sora was still sleeping, but Roxas knew he probably had problems to fall asleep last night because of the nerves. He put two toasts in the toaster and took some orange juice from the fridge. The boy was eating his breakfast when his mother came into the kitchen. Oh, for God shake’s. Roxas looked at her discreetly, praying for her to leave him alone. Fortunately his mother was too busy making someone’s life miserable in his mobile phone. Roxas could finish his breakfast and went back to his room to clean it a bit and prepare himself for the long day he was about to live.


End file.
